I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
