I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
