he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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