I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
