I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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