PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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