I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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