the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
