you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
