you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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