Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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