dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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