i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
