chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
