Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm at about main and main street
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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