Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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