HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
