I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
