just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
