she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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