Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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