Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
