I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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