I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
