420 ftw
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
