There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
