I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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