Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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