Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am one with the molecules
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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