Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
