Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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