The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
