I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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