I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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