You just made me feel so damn special
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
