His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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