And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
