Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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