Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
