he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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