he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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