Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
