A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm both gender and math confused
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
