I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
