when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
