so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
