Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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