Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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