You're my little dorito
he shaved USA in his pubs
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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