I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
