So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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