Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
