and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
