I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
