There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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