I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
