I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
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