drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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