I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
