What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
