Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
