her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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