you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
