my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this