I have demons in me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.