Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?