i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
