Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers