you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
