T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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