So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
