So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
try to milk me bitch
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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