Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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