I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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