allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ttyl tear gas
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
