well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
