she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
