would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
