i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
